The older I get the more I’ve become afraid of change. I guess when you’re younger and a little less experienced, change is exciting and new. Change is fierce and wonderful.
I’ve become comfortable with the not changed things in my life. Routines. Traditions. Relationships you think will be there forever. People and family that you hold on to. These are comforts and comfort is nice. It’s being in the know. It’s familiar and warm.
Our Easter was anything but traditional. I’m learning that separation from tradition is sometimes ok. When things aren’t working, you just have to fix it. Find the problem, find the resolution… and move on. Easier said then done.
This holiday weekend started as all good weekends do. Two pots of coffee. Homemade, gluten free, unbleached flour pancakes.
Bike rides on the beach in March when the sun is shinning and the air is crisp and cool. The wind from the bike blew in my hair and my babies giggles trickled passed me as we rode and rode and rode. I’m now seeing it all clearly… I’m soaking up all the sights and sounds.
We ate greasy bar food for lunch. Because balance is important. Gluten free, organic pancakes for breakfast makes way for a greasy, not organic, corn fed patty melt with fried fries and ranch dressing that was for sure loaded with GMO’s and preservatives
We talked about our week and Cole and Savannah told some pretty cool jokes.
Big Brother leads the way, always… with discovering, learning and being creative. SpencerJoy is right in his tracks…Ladies and Gents, this girl has discovered crayons.
We walked the pier and ended up at the arcade. These kids walked around and shot at gross, ugly, scary looking clown like things… rode sticky, germ filled rides and made more memories that will last a lifetime, for me at least.
This day was followed by with a not so typical Saturday where a 4 hour trip entaled a purchase of two really great things for Cole and our Nannie that will for sure rip my heart out of my chest over and over and over. But it makes them smile and we haven’t heard the last of it since we brought these two new purchases home.
Out with the old…
Our baby had her last bottle just a couple of weeks ago. I knew that this was coming. She was drinking less and less of her end of the day, I’m going to bed – bottle. I was secretly hoping she was going to hang on to this night time ritual just a little longer because there’s nothing more baby then a baby with her bottle. But she was done. I packed up all of her bottles and caps… it was another part of her baby self gone. Growing. It was yet another change I needed to accept and although it was sad for a minute – I realized in that moment that we all need change. Change means that we’ve evolved. We’re growing. And growing is good.
A moment I will forever cherish…
Sometimes it takes not knowing where you are going so that you end up somewhere better then you’ve imagined. At least that’s what I’ve read and it’s a little bit of hope I’ve hung to, going through these spurts of change.
Another thing I’ve learned…
These little people and the way they see this world is my everyday goal. To see it how they do. To be open, not reserved, and kind. Forgiving and ready for the change that is meant to happen. To let things be. Like John Lennon said ” Let it be, let it be. ”
Well… I’m lettin it all be.
While change has taken its toll and my heart was heavy, I can’t say I’m entirely over the hurt and the disappointment. I’d be lying if I did. But I can say that my head is finally clear. I can see the horizon… and I see good.